In a world of people, I can feel alone.
Completely whole, I can feel broken.
Fully mature, I can act childish.
I forget where I came from, but more importantly, Whose I am.
It is when these things happen regularly that I know there is a problem with me. A problem with my thinking. A problem with my heart.
The sayings are true, “you cannot pour from an empty cup” and “put your oxygen mask on first”, etc.
So, the next few days are my cup filling, mask wearing, Carrie finding days.
I am checking out of my normal and spending time at the Fearless ladies retreat that I have been planning to attend for the better part of this year.
There have been obstacles in the way that could have kept me from making it to my destination. Exhaustion, distance, money, physical health, just to name a few.
But, the truth is, I cannot say “I need some time to get away and be refilled” and not take the opportunity that has been on my heart for so long.
So- I called out the obstacles for what they were—- LIES!
Exhausted? : You slept plenty this week and you have Spark, not to mention a few days alone in a hotel room coming up! (Oh yeah, no kids, pets or Joe in bed? I shall sleep beautifully!)
Distance? : Five hours by car. Really? Your Ikea runs are longer than that! (Well until the one in Norfolk opens this Spring... ps Joe, I passed two Ikeas on the way here today, I will be home later than expected 🤔😬🤷♀️)
Money? : You paid in advance for the ticket and hotel. To not go would waste the money. You don’t want to waste your money do you?
Physical Health? : First of all, you are going to be sitting in a room listening to people talk for most the day. Second, you are closer to Johns Hopkins, Penn State and Bethesda, oh and Dr Dudrick than normal- so, don’t be silly. You can still run circles around most everyone.
-No, I meant the girls’ health!! Mailan has a rash and Clara now has a slight fever! : Yup, and they have a father with them and grandparents up the street.
You see?! My excuses for potentially not taking care of me were weak, lame and lazy LIES. I can not look my daughters in the eyes and tell them I am raising them to be world changers if I don’t set the right example.
I am called for more than this and so are they. We are not put on this earth to pay bills and die. We are all weak at times, but we can all be strong. Iron sharpens iron and it’s time for me to sharpen my sword.
See you all in a few days.
“Iron is full of impurities that weaken it: through forging it becomes steel and is transformed into a razor-sharp sword. Human beings develop in the same fashion”. -
Written Nov 2018
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